Album Leaf
by Luna Imper
Summary: Who remembers you when you are gone?
1. Album Leaf

A/N: Another fic on the chopping block. This one came to me almost immediately after I finished writing "The Insatiable Greed." Inspiration for this one? Coldplay, sleep deprivation, IB stress, and need for another Free Writing. Please review, I'm always up for compliments/criticism. I appreciate it a lot when people take the time to tell me what they think.

This fanfic can also be found on my _Twilight _website, With You, which can be accessed from my profile.

Enjoy!

_**/Edit: (02 June 2008) – **_**Yes**,I have just written a sequel to this. It still doesn't have a really definitive ending, but it is a bit more hopeful than the end of this piece is. So for those who have bawled their eyes out over this, you might like "Conservation of Mass." Just find it under my stories at my profile.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight, _not I.

**Album Leaf**

We used to sit out on her front porch, just swinging back-and-forth on a bench on the summer nights. We would look up to the stars, as if they held the keys to understanding. We used to be together. We would sometimes forget, for just one moment of a second that we could never truly be together. We could fight back the pain for that one instance and instead enjoy what we had. What we were about. How lucky we were to have found each other, even if it would only last a few years of eternity.

She and I had wonderful times together. She never married. No matter how many times I would tell her that she should forget me and never think of me again, she never considered it. She never turned her back on me. She never went away. She was always there with arms opened wide to accept who I was for it "didn't matter."

It did not matter to her that I was a monster from the depths of hell. It did not matter that it was both herself and her blood that I was after.

She was so beautiful, could I ever have really stayed away from her? Could I have ever really let her go, knowing that she was alive and out in the world?

No. I never could have truly let her go. I know myself too well. I know I would have found myself peeking in her window to her life ever now and then. I know I would have read the thoughts of those around her and sighed with content hearing her laugh and enjoy her human life.

"_Who remembers you when you are gone?"_

I remember sitting down, playing the piano for her. I gave her a few lessons, but she never really made it past the beginner stage. She was too content with hearing me play to ever desire to play for herself. I never minded. I would play for her all day if she wanted. As she got older, I played more and more for her. In her last months, she was not as mobile as she used to be and would sit in the bed, listening to me play.

I can honestly say that I remember her entirely. My memories do not fade and tint with gray as human memories do. My memories are as fresh and clean as the day they were born. I can remember what she said, her voice, her hair, her arm movements, and all the cute blushes that had the pleasure of warming her face. That warmth that drew me to her and kept me in. It was like a dream. She would tell me it never seemed real. I reflect now on those times and I concur. It was so surreal because of how beautiful things were when it was the two of us. Nothing else mattered. We could "die" together and never feel remorse.

She made up this album leaf. This album leaf of memories too precious to ever forget and too personal for others to possibly comprehend at the deepest level what we went through. So beautiful and muted for others with a splash of might-have-been's and could-be's. What happened is reflected on the pages in tones of sharp contrast between love, devotion, and selfishness.

However, when it was just the two of us, the hues were overlaid until the brilliant shine of morning could nowhere near out outshine the memories. The memories that will forever be inside me until the day of reckoning. Until then, I will forever carry this album leaf inside me. I will immortalize my Isabella in death, as I could not do in her life. Immortal in my mind, immortal in my heart, she will live on in this album leaf. These memories—too precious to ever let go.

"_Who remembers you when you are gone?"_

I remember sitting on the edge of her bed as she lay dying. I remember her voice, cracking and no louder than a whisper, breaking through the deafening silence of the white room. Her voice was calling out to me to remember—to never forget my beloved who was leaving me. She gave me one last request for me to play on the piano. I played her the song I had composed years ago for her. She was so peaceful in the end, but I could not finish it. I…was close to that final melancholic chord and she took a last deep breath, waiting for the end to come.

I could not give her a proper ending. I could not bear to sit and play while she died. I did not play that chord. Instead, she died in my arms. I wish I could have wept, to visibly show my grief, but this race of mine does not allow me to express my emotions on my sleeve. If there were ever an instance where I wished it were not so, it would have been then.

If there were ever an instance where I wished I were not myself, it would have been then.

Her funeral…was as beautiful as a death could be. She—dead in the ground. I—dead and walking the Earth.

Now she rots away in the soil and I rot away in the air. I try to pick myself up and walk back into the world of the living, but I am afraid I will forever be in love with the world of the dead. I try to put on a mask and hide my distress, but for all the dazzling smiles I produce, none compare to the ones I smiled for her. Nothing compares to what I did for her. No one compares to her. No one compares…

Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing will ever be…

"_Who remembers you when you are gone?"_

This album leaf of her will always bear my memories of her.

I will always remember her, my Isabella.


	2. Conservation of Mass

A/N: I don't really know if you guys really wanted a sequel to "Album Leaf", but you got one anyway. It didn't really start out as that. I started out with only a couple of lines about reincarnation and then I thought about the famous experiments of Dr. MacDougall and then the law of conservation of mass, and well, you got this. It was kind of freaking how my question ended up being repeated 3 times just like in "Album Leaf" (completely not planned) and a lot of other little parallels.

I'm not quite sure if I like this as well as "Album Leaf", but this is more a glimmer of hope for those who thought "Album Leaf" was just a bit too sad.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight, _not I.

**Conservation of Mass**

I meet each sunset with the utter disgust that soon after there will be a sunrise. I am forced to say a pray that my world will end tomorrow so I can go back home. So that I can be in her arms again. So that I can be in her presence one more time.

The Volturi only play at considering my request for death. I press my inquiries so harshly on them and even threaten to show the world who we are. But they only grabbed me at my attempts of sparkling in the sunset and sent me down to the shadowy dungeons. They refused me again, saying that the time was not right. They say that I am so useful, that I have a purpose. She would want me to be here. She would want me to fulfill my "life's" work.

How can they think to speak for my Bella? They have never felt the trembling passion that consumed me. They have never felt the terrifying call for consumption that danced in front of my eyes. They never endured the battle; they never were in her shoes, her role that was so huge, so sacrificing, yet she filled it. She gave up so much so willingly. I have always wanted that courage. To give up so much that I find myself with her again.

I tried so hard to do so. I promise, Bella. Yet their diet sickens me. I was instead forced to leave and eat my fill. They watch constantly; it is a heavy price to pay so that I did not forgo my abstinence of human blood. But it is another sacrifice. Another sacrifice to make my tower to Bella a little taller.

For me, time fades into obscurity. For me, time grows pale as I live what could be called a "life" and interact with ephemerality constantly. For me, the night is ever-present and the call to the delicious red blood never ceases. For me, I who cannot dream, death is an always-present nightmare, who came to claim me forevermore. For me, I am lurking in the shadows, never to truly live ever again on Earth. For me, I am charged with the punishment of seeing those around me laugh in the sunshine, and I am to be condemned to the shadows.

"_Is there an end to being?"_

There was a little child I saw today. I swear it looked just like her. I know that when she gets older, she will be the spitting image of my lost beauty. Do I believe in reincarnation?

I believe in her.

That woman who is her mother looks very little like her daughter. Her store-bought blonde hair, blue-eyed contacts, and bottled-tan are the reasons why we look down on humans. They never are happy with anything, are they?

No, I think no one ever is.

I was happy once. I was happy that day we lay in the meadow – that day when I gained some humanity. I finally felt **her**, not her blood singing to me, nor her body's call, nor the force of her muted mind. Instead, I knew her. I knew Bella Swan.

But what did I do but not be content? I grew worried over her to the point that I left. My happiness was too much, I reasoned. So I found myself unhappy again at my own hand.

I promised myself it would never happen again.

My unhappiness now comes from nature…and from the dark hell that exists in our lifestyle. Our constant feeding on the lives of others. Why should any happiness be had for us? Why should we find contentment?

But I did. And I never wanted to let it go.

"_Is there an end to being?"_

They say we all lose 21 grams at the exact moment of our death … everyone. Dr. Duncan MacDougall measured the humans and found them to lose 21 grams at death – the body lost its soul. Everyone did.

**Everyone.**

So what about the law of conservation of mass? Where did the 21-gram-soul go? Where is that 21 grams now?

Do I believe in reincarnation?

Bella is somewhere; I feel the whispers of her presence of her everyday and feel the brunt of her memories every moment. I find my mind racing with the normal functions, activities, behaviors, but I only see her in my eyes.

It was so startling to see that child. That one child whose eyes could have been plucked from my brain and stuck into her skull's sockets. Her hair was that rich brown that will only increase to Bella's beautiful dark chocolate color. Her skin was nearly as pale as mine and she even had that painfully gorgeous trait, one that surely not every child has.

She let go of her mother's hand under the covered storefront to stand in the sunlight. Not to play, or to run, or to skip and jump. Just to stand. Just to bask in the warmth of the world and see the beautiful brown landscape, devoid of little greenery. Her plastic mother tried to no avail to coax her into the greenhouse for the nursery, but the girl only cried at the loss of her natural, earthy world for one of climate control, fertilizers and steroids.

I felt like crying with her.

"_Is there an end to being?"_

I died when I was 17. I don't know if I still have a soul. I want to believe that I do. I want to believe that I am still 21 grams heavy.

But I'd still like to become only 21 grams and lose the rest to this living world. I'd like to meet Bella's lovely 21 grams and find myself comfortably within her spirit.

Do I believe in reincarnation?

Who knows if the law of conservation of mass really works. Didn't Einstein debunk Newton's "law of gravity" to the "theory of gravity"?

But I'd like to believe that she is somewhere. I'd like to believe that I still have my own soul, my own little piece that will endure and find its way to her. Even if it exists in that little girl, maybe my soul exists or will exist in some little boy and they'll be together forever as humans so our souls will stop having to sacrifice so much. So we'll find happiness in another lifetime.

I'd like to believe a lot of things.

But, do I believe in reincarnation?

I believe in the power of love.

Some laws really weren't meant to be broken.


End file.
